The moment of decision

I remember the moment many years ago clearly.  It was about 18 months after my daughter’s diagnosis.  I was cleaning the bathroom, thinking through things that had to get done.  Suddenly wave after wave of emotions washed over me.  I started crying and slowly fell to my knees in the hallway.  From there I started ugly sobbing and thinking “I just can’t do this” going through my mind over and over again.   After what felt like hours, I calmed down and that’s when I realized I couldn’t get out of this situation, I would get through this BUT HOW I GOT THROUGH THIS was entirely up to me.  If I was going to guide my family through this I needed to not be on the ground in tears.  I needed to take care of myself so my family could flourish instead of merely maintain.  I needed to shift my perspective and put me into my ‘people I care for’. 

It was a long road with many stops and restarts.  I had a firm basis in wellness and stress management through my occupation. I had access to resources and searched for the many that were not there yet. I had to make conscientious choices and redraw boundaries.  It is a journey, not a destination.